Addiction is a serious challenge for both drug taker and his relatives. Few people know what to do and how to behave in case of addiction stepping into their life. People often get nervous because of helplessness. It might be difficult to accept the fact of addiction and finally quit. It is a very complex issue and no one can presume to offer any solutions on this front. This is what the relatives are often perplexed with. They want to help, but do not know what to do.
Many women are concerned with their husband’s addiction. They cry and make a helpless gesture with hands. Some of them say that it is not easy to cosy up and find out the real reasons of addiction. They claim that men often deny their help, because they feel embarrassed with being helped by a woman. Wives often say that men become real strangers. Others claim that their husbands become irritated and angry with everything. They affirm that men become unapproachable.
The to DOs and not to DOs
We have to admit that the question is absolute tickling. A wife, who has probably never dealt with drugs and has no idea how her husband feels at the moment, cannot see the whole picture. It is struggling that the decision to ask for help is never an easy one for men. The main message is that your help should look like help and show him that it was a right decision.
Do not criticise, threaten or screw his brains out. Any of this will only deteriorate the situation. It is also important not to force him to do something. Never say something like “Either you enrol the men’s rehab centers information at AddictionResource.com, or we split up!”.
What is important? Being honest and tactful, respecting his borders, trying to build credibility will fructify and bring you a chance of getting rid of the addiction. Try to become a caring one. Ask if you can help. If he does not want you to do so, keep observing without interruption.
Difficulties that you might face
Though it is evident, that finding out about the addiction is just the very beginning of your bumpy road to healthy and happy life. Be ready that helping to overcome addiction is not an ABC process. Do not expect difficulties, but be ready for them:
- Your beloved husband can start refusing to participate in men-only rehab programs. They would like to escape with their fears from this world again and again. Especially, if the intention was involuntary.
- Your beloved husband can become paranoiac about his (and yours and your children if any) future. He might believe it is better to live with addiction than to come out and lose his job, or even be put behind the bars because of the illicit substances.
- Your beloved husband can start denying the problem. He might say that it is just a habit and that he can quit, but does not want to at the moment.
- Your beloved husband can be afraid of sharing the problem with you because either his masculine pride would suffer, or he does not want to make you suffer. They might feel awkward and be shy to express what they feel.
- Your beloved husband can be uncomfortable to discuss the problem eve with the best expert in male addiction. It might be difficult to persuade him to start a usual rehabilitation program.
- Your beloved husband can screen himself behind the addiction. He might have some, e.g. financial problems and being unable or not wishing to solve them.
Helping your beloved husband might become a hell in any of this or some more cases. Be ready that you will need to go through fire and water. The process will take a lot of skills from you. Courage, forbearance, determination, patience, and strength of will are the first among them.
In case your husband does not want to go to men-only rehabilitation center, you have to make it clear that this is inevitably and necessary. However, at the same time, you cannot be harsh of dominating. It should be his decision.
Steps that can help you both to step on a way of rehabilitation
The art of persuasion without extortion is difficult. However, it is never too late to study. Some ‘steps’ can help your husband and you to live through this painful experience of addiction. For sure, there are no two identical men, and, therefore, two identical situations. Nevertheless, some common outlines might help you to approach the sober life.
Step 1. Establishing Credibility.
Both your beloved husband and you might have a feeling of being betrayed because of this problem. It is very important to make a partner comfortable to talk with you and to show that you are not holding a grudge. It is the step, where sympathy and understanding play key roles.
Trust is always important and is such a situation it should be the first measure. You cannot just make your husband set sights on men’s rehabilitation without trust. Remember that critique and lecturing does not help to restore credibility. You should not nag him or yell at your husband. Name calling and hyperbolizing are not the best tactics either.
The main problem that might appear with a man and a woman in such a situation is that she might behave too over controlling. Even being addicted, every person needs his own space. The thought of being controlled would make him sinking into addiction even more.
The other problem is that women have a propensity for being too emotive and not always in a positive sense. This might cause the feeling of stress, which is highly unwelcome as addiction is often a way to overcome drain. Do not bring even more stress into your husband’s life.
Step 2. Communicate.
Communication is an engine of progress. This is not only mentioned in any book on male addiction, but also works for any situation in life. Be soft, caring and express your love. Confess that you are also afraid of what is going on, but try to express your hopes for overcoming all the griefs together.
Always be honest. This would both strengthen credibility and open more space for communication. Such talk might be difficult, but you have to try to be kind and attentive. Do not only listen to your beloved husband, but also hear him out. Be consistent, but do not be afraid to put your concerns mildly, but do not blame him.
Step 3. Do not be afraid to ask for help.
Say honestly that you feel a drain as well. Accept the fact that it is a stress for both of you. It is impossible to deny that the situation is difficult and that experiencing this would leave no footprint on you. Here is the moment, when you can ask your beloved husband for help. Many men drug rehab facilities have also support groups for their wives. Ask him if you can also visit such a group.
Do not be afraid to help your partner with open heart. He is a vulnerable person at the moment, even though he does not want to admit it. Being wise is the best advice for a women, whose beloved husband has tough times. When you love someone, just do not leave him alone. Make your best to support your partner and never make him guilty. Accept the situation as a past mistake and try to find a solution together.